The mess I made
by BlackFish024
Summary: Jane and Maura are in a relationship for about 5 months when Jane breaks up with her. Nobody understands Jane's decision because everyone thinks they are made for each other. But Jane has her reasons, except nobody knows them. Did Jane make a mistake and will she regret it for the rest of her life or was this the right thing to do? Definitely Rizzles. Chapter 7 has been added!
1. Chapter 1

**Title** The mess I made  
 **Fandom** Rizzoli  & Isles  
 **Author** Blackfish024  
 **Rating** K  
 **Genre** Romance & Drama  
 **Disclaimer** I do not own Rizzoli  & Isles. The books belong to Tess Gerritsen and the tv show to TNT.  
 **Summary** Jane and Maura are in a relationship for about 5 months when Jane breaks up with her. Nobody understands Jane's decision because everyone thinks they are made for each other. But Jane has her reasons, except nobody knows them. Did Jane make a mistake and will she regret it for the rest of her life or was this the right thing to do?

 **A/N** This fanfiction is inspired by the songs "Not over you" by Gavin DeGraw, "The mess I made" by Parachute and "She is love" by Parachute. It will probably be a multiple chapter story. Please let me know what you think about my story and if I should continue. Thank you for reading and have fun!

Chapter 1

 _Jane sits on Maura's couch and looks into the kitchen where her beautiful doctor swirls around. Maura is cooking diner for the two of them. Angela gave her the secret recipe for their family lasagna and Maura could not wait to try it to surprise Jane. Jane watches her with a big smile on her face. She stands and silently make her way towards Maura. When she sneaks up behind the doctor she puts her hands around her waist and Maura squeaks at the sudden contact._

 _When she sees it's Jane she relaxes and leans closer. With a smile on her face she turns her head up and gives her a light peck to her cheek. When a blush appears on Jane's neck, Maura turns round in her arms and put her hands around Jane's neck. She looks deep into her eyes and kisses her softly. Jane kisses her back and deepens the kiss by softly sucking on Maura's lower lip. Maura grants her access and gets pinned against the kitchen counter. Suddenly there is a loud beeping from an alarm.._

.. Jane wakes up to the sound of her alarm clock. She grunts and turns to her side to silence the annoying sound. A smile turns on her face when she thinks about the dream she had that ended way to early. When she turns back she wanted to curl into the warmth next to her. Stretching her arm to the side, the only thing she could feel where cold sheets. Wondering where Maura was, she sat up, rubbed her eyes and put a hand trough her unruly curls. All the events of the past days came flooding back into her mind and the smile that plastered her face disappeared. Maura was not sleeping next to her and probably would never again. When Jane though about all the events of the past couple of day's she felt tears well up in her eyes and felt her heart break.

 _A few days earlier_

 _Jane was at Maura's house standing in the kitchen with a beer in her hand looking a her beautiful girlfriend. Her eyes went from the doctors hazel eyes to the scar on her neck. The one Hoyt put there. All because Maura was close to Jane and Hoyt knew that. It was a few days after the attack in the prison infirmary where he attacked them both and almost killed Maura. The love of her life._

 _Jane couldn't see her get hurt. She should have protected her and not let her stay with them. He went after Maura because he knew she was close to Jane. And to get to her he had hurt Maura. She felt so powerless when he had Maura pinned against the bed with a scalpel to her neck. When she saw the blood drip from the side of her neck she though she lost her. The only thing she could think about was to save Maura._

 _Jane shook her head to clear her mind from the images of Maura pinned against the hospital bed. When she looked at Maura, Maura tilted her head slightly to the side and look questionably at her. All Jane could do was avoid eye contact. This was hard enough as it is. When she turned her head, Jane walked towards the couch where she sat down. Maura followed her to the living room and took a seat right next to her, thighs touching._

 _Jane could not handle the close contact of the doctor so she slided a little bit further away. She saw the hurt her action caused on Maura's face when her tear filled eyes fell to the ground. Jane could not take this anymore. She had to rip the band aid off as quick as possible. "Maura" she said almost as a whisper. The doctor did not dare to look up. Afraid for what was about to come next._

 _"Maura, I can't do this." These words made Maura look up from her spot on the ground. She tried to look in Jane's eyes but she was suddenly very interested in her boots." What do you mean, Jane?" Maura asked her. "This.. Us.. I can't do this anymore. I.. I thought I loved you.. as more than a friend.. but I.. I just don't think I feel that way.. about you.." Jane rambled. Trying to get it out as fast as possible. She didn't even know if Maura understood anything she just said. But when she looked up and saw that there were tears running down Maura's cheeks she knew she had heard her. Loud and clear. "So you don't love me?" Maura asked between sobs._

 _Jane's heart broke at the sight of Maura in front of her. Her tear stained cheeks. The broken look in her eyes. All Jane could think about was to put her strong arms around her shoulders, hold her close and rubs soothing circles on her back. But she knew this was not the time. She was the cause of all the hurt she saw. "I'm sorry.." is all Jane could say when she stood up and walked towards the door._

 _When she was about to leave the living room she turned around to take one last look. She saw Maura crying loud on the couch with her head in her hands. Her breathing was erratic and her sobs were loud. "I'm really sorry, Maura." She knew she wasn't getting a reply from her so she turned back around and walked to the door. Trying to keep her tears from running down her own cheeks. She had never seen Maura so broken. But she had to do this. She had to keep Maura safe._

 _When Jane closed the door behind her she leaned against it. Her sight blurred with tears. She had to do this. She had to protect Maura. Jane's chest hurt by the image of Maura crying on her couch. It felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest. But it didn't matter. Her heart belonged to Maura. She knew she would never love someone the way she loved Maura. It was a lifetime kind of love._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** Here is the second chapter of this story. This is definitely a Rizzles story. Thank you so much for all you wonderful feedback! I'm planning to write a few more chapters. If you haven't already, I would advise you all to listen to ""The mess I made" by Parachute. It's the inspiration for this story and while writing, I have it on repeat. Please let me know what you think about my story and if I should continue. Thank you for reading and have fun!

Chapter 2

Jane lay back down in her bed and put her hands on her face. What did she do?! It took her a lifetime to find the one person she truly loved and who accepted her for who she was. With all her sarcastic jokes, grumpy comments but most of all for the job she did. Maura was the first person in her life that didn't have a problem with her job. Of course she was worried about Jane and her safety, but she understood what it meant for Jane and she supported her in it.

Thinking back to the wonderful dream she woke up from not so long ago, the pain in her heart started coming back. The feeling of being so close to Maura made her heart swell, but it also made her afraid. Afraid of all the things that could happen with them being together. Hoyt was in jail, but it wouldn't be the first time he would send someone after her. And with Maura being so close to her she would become a target. By breaking up with her, Jane thought Maura was safe from him. She was no longer a target. It was the best thing to do. She had to protect Maura. She could never see her get hurt.

She couldn't tell Maura the real reason why they broke up, because she would've never accepted it. She would have argued with her for all the reasons Jane wanted to end things. That's why Jane had to tell her that she didn't love her. Maura would accept it and move on, Jane hoped. But the truth is, Jane loved her more that anything in the world. She was the love of her life and doing this broke her heart. But she would do anything to keep Maura safe, even leave the one person she truly loved.

It was time to get ready for work, so Jane swung her legs out of the bed. She took one long and deep breath before standing fully and walking towards her bathroom. She looked in the mirror in front of her and saw her red eyes. Maybe a long and hot shower could wash all her regret and sorrow away. Even if it was for the time being.

 _After the breakup_

 _Maura felt like her heart was broken into a million pieces. How was this even possible? They where so happy together. She never saw any signs that Jane did not love her. Even her eyes told her otherwise every time she looked in them. Maura held her head in her hands, tears still streaming down her face. Then she heard a knock at the door that led to the little patio. Before she had time to give an answer the door swung open and there was Angela. When she saw Maura all she could do was run over to her and put her arms around her._

 _"What happened? What did Jane do?" Angela asked her, already angry at her daughter for causing this pain in the doctor. Maura looked into Angela's eyes an tried to get a few words out, but all she could do was sob louder. Her head fell to Angela's shoulder and she let all the tears and pain flood out._

 _After a while of rubbing soothing circles on Maura's back, Angela noticed that her breathing slowly came back to normal. When she felt Maura take a deep breath, she pulled a little away. She used the thumb to rub away some of the tears and smooched makeup still on the honey blond's face. When Maura opened her eyes again, Angela tried to find some answers. "Honey, what happened?" Maura's eyes fell to the ground. She could not look in Angela's brown eyes that reminded her so much of Jane's. "Jane.. Jane broke up with me.." A few tears escape her eyes._

 _"What?!" Angela almost screamed. "She did what?! Why on earth would she do that? She love's you!" By those last three words all the tears Maura tried to hold back streamed down her cheeks again. "She told me.. she doesn't.. That she only loves.. me as a friend." Maura tried to get out. Angela looked shocked. "What do you mean? Of course she loves you as more than a friend. Everyone can see it! The way she looks at you with that smile plastered to her face. It can only mean one thing, honey. Love."_

 _Maura put her head back on Angela's shoulder. "But if that's true, why would she lie to me and say that she is not in love with me in that way?" Angela softly chuckled. "Let me tell you something about Janie. Her whole life she was alone. Of course she had some friends, but nothing was like the friendship I see between the two of you. She has never let someone get as close to her as she let's you. You know you are the only one who she let's touch her hands, right?" Maura slowly nodded, but had a feeling Angela wasn't finished._

 _"Maura, sweety. Jane loves you. I know it! She'll probably got scared. Certainly so close after the attack. You know she likes to pretend she is this strong detective, but actually she can be a real softly sometimes. And you being there with her, I think it scared the shit out of her. Excuse my language." Maura chuckled slightly at Angela scolding herself for cursing. "Jane loves you, never doubt that. I thinks she just needs some time to figure things out. And before you know it she'll be standing at your door trying to apologize." Maura turned her head up. "I sure hope so. I can't imagine my life without her."_

 _"Maybe you can give her a push in the right direction by showing her what she lost." Angela says. This made Maura look questionably at her. "What do you mean by that?" Maura asked curious. "Just let her see what she is missing out on. Dress like you are going out on a date. Make her jealous. If I know my Janie, she will and soon realize what she has done. She'll be back here before you know it." Angela says._

After her long and hot shower Jane wrapped herself in a large towel and stood in front her mirror. She dreaded going to work today. She had the weekend off. That meant that she did not saw Maura after their breakup. How would Maura look? Would her colleagues know and how would they react? Hell, how would her own mother react to the news that she broke up with Maura. She saw her as one of her own children. Maybe if she went early her mother wouldn't be there. She could not handle her just now.

Arriving at BPD she made her way to the cafe, hoping her mother was not in yet. Carefully looking around the corner she could not see her. The only one there was Stanley, standing behind the counter wiping it down with a cloth. She made her way to the coffee machine to make herself a cup. When she put the lid on her coffee she heard someone call her name. 'Janie!" Oh no, was all Jane could think. I wasn't here early enough. Slowly she turns around and looks at her mother walking towards her in a quick pace.

"Janie! I've been trying to call you all weekend! Where were you! And do you know what you did to Maura?!" Angela scolded at Jane. She was afraid this was going to happen. That's why she was avoiding her mother by not answering her calls. With her living next to Maura she would certainly find out quick what had happened.

"Ma!" She almost shouted at her mother, just for trying to stop her rant. Her mother stopped talking and looked her daughter in the eyes. "Janie, what where you thinking? How could you hurt Maura like that? I raised you better than this! She is the best thing that ever happened to you. Why would you walk away from that!" Jane looked at the ground "Ma, I just.. I had to do this. I have my reasons, okay?" she spoke with a small voice. "Janie, whatever your reasons are, are they worth it? Losing her over it? Because even if you only have a little bit of doubt in you, just talk to her and fix it!" Angela said. "Ma, I can't right now. I have to get to work" Jane said, turning around and walking out of the cafe.

With her swagger on overdrive Jane walked into the bullpen towards her desk. She put her coffee down, turned on her computer, sat in her chair and leaned back. A day full of paperwork. She hoped the rest of her day would be easier. When she heard a sound she looked up and saw Frost and Korsak. They where smiling until they saw Jane and how terrible she looked. "What the hell happened to you! Rough weekend with the doc?" Frost asked a smirk playing at his lips. Jane was afraid of this. She knew her partner would see something was up, but she was not ready to talk about it. "Just peachy" She said with a deadly glare, which silenced him immediately. They both went to their desk and knew not to ask any more questions about the issue.

After a few hours of tedious paperwork Jane ran into a problem. She was working on a file that need some forensic evidence included, but the report was down in the morgue with Maura. And the last thing she wanted to do now was going down there and see her. It would only make things harder for them both. Maybe if she played this well, Frost could get her the file. "Hey Frost, do you have that forensic evidence file on the Matthews case?" Jane asked him. "No, I think it is down in the morgue. Why don't you go get it?" He answered. "Oh come on. Could you grab it for me. I'm in the middle of this file!" She replied with a whine. He crooked one off his eyebrows. She never said no to a trip down to the morgue. What the hell happened between them this weekend. He figured it was bad, but was not going to get involved in whatever it was.

"I'm not going to grab you that file so you can avoid her, you know. Whatever happened this weekend, fix it Rizzoli! Strap on some and fix whatever it is you did!" Frost said firm. "What the hell makes you think I did something!" She shot back at him. "Come on Rizzoli! We both know she's to polite to mess something up and not try everything to solve the problem." Jane sighs in defeat. She knew her partner was right and she was not going to win this argument. So she had to go down to the morgue herself and get the file. Her partner certainly wouldn't do it.

She stood up from her desk and took a deep breath. It was time to face the music and see where she stood with Maura. How much the damage was she did. Walking towards the elevator, she pulled her jacked back on and fixed her hair. Pushing the elevator button she stood there waiting until she heard the sound signaling it had arrived. The doors opened and she step inside. Leaning against the side wall of the elevator, she sighed and closed her eyes. Thinking about Maura, how she would look, what she would be wearing, but most of all how they would interact with each other. The doors closed and the elevator went down. Time to face the mess I made.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** Here is the third chapter of this story. Thank you so much for all your feedback! Please let me know what you think about my story and if I should continue. Thank you for reading and have fun!

Chapter 3

It felt like ages when the elevator finally made it's way to the morgue. As soon as the doors opened Jane walked out towards Maura's office. After a few steps she stopped and looked trough the window. There she was. Standing behind her desk looking at something on her computer. She looked so beautiful. She was wearing a silk red blouse with a few buttons open at the top which gave just enough of a view of her chest but still looked professional, a tight black leather skirt that accentuate her legs perfectly, 5 inch red heels that made her taler that she was and her honey blond hair cascaded over her shoulders framing her gorgeous face. It took Jane's breath away of how beautiful she looked.

Her heart started beating faster in her chest. She could not go into that office. Not with Maura looking like that. How was she going to keep up with not being in love with her while she looked like that. When she was about to turn around and forget about the file she needed, Maura looked up from her computer, right in the direction where Jane was standing. Damn, there goes the idea of slowly retreating. Now that she saw her, she couldn't possibly run away. She had to suck it up and get the file.

Jane took a breath and walked towards the office and stood in the doorway. "Hi." was all she could get out. "Hello detective,what can I do for you?" Maura said. This startled the detective. "I... I um.. I was looking for the forensic evidence file of the Matthews case." she said with light hesitation in her voice. "I have the file right here for you." Maura said, taking the file from a stack on her desk and holding it out for her to take. Jane was a little taken back by this. She took a few steps forward towards the desk. Maura's eyes kept focusing on her. What was she looking at, Jane thought. Was she checking her out?

This was not what Jane was expecting her first encounter with Maura to be like. She thought it would be awkward and Maura would not want to talk to her. But it was the exact opposite. She was talking to her like nothing happened. Maybe she was even flirting a little with her. Jane shook her head to clear her mind. She reached her hand out to grab the file, when Maura retreated hers, taking the file from Jane's reach. "Jane." Maura almost whispered with hope in her voice. Jane knew this was to good to be true. "Maura.. don't.. please" Jane tried, silently hoping Maura would just give her the file. All she wanted was to get the file and go back upstairs and finish her paperwork. This day couldn't get any worse.

Maura walked around her desk and stood in front of Jane. Their eyes locking. "Jane, can we please talk about this?" she tried "I do not believe for one second that you don't love me the way I love you. I can see it in your eyes." Maura took a step closer to her. Jane's eyes went from Maura's eyes to her lips where the lingered a little to long, then back to her eyes. Maura caught Jane's action and took another step closer. They where almost touching. Jane leaned her head a little towards Maura, tilting it slightly. Maura mirrored her movements and she licked her suddenly dry lips.

This action caused Jane to wake up from the dream she clearly was in. This can not happen. She took a big step back. "Maura, can I please have the file?" she asked firm, but when she didn't get a reply, Jane grabbed the file from her hands and walked with long strides out of the office towards the elevator. When she heard Maura call for her she decided that the stairs would be faster. Maura walked out of her office to run after Jane, when she saw she was already gone. She could feel the tears in her eyes. Maybe I was to forward with her, Maura thought, but she could see the love in Jane's eyes. And the way she leaned in to her, Maura could feel that she wanted to kiss her. What if I ruined the only change I got to get her back.

When Jane walked back in the bullpen Frost looked up from his computer. "So, did you fix whatever it was you did?" he asked her. "Oh shut up Frost!" she shot back, after falling in her chair and trowing the file on her desk. Frost knew not to push the detective in giving an answer so he turned his attention back to his computer. What the hell just happened down there., Jane thought. Was she flirting with me? I almost kissed her. I really need to keep my distance before I lose it. Think about why you broke up whit her, Rizzoli! She scolds herself. You need to keep her safe!

After a long day of paperwork she looks at the clock and sees it's time to go home. She turns her computer off and puts on her jacket. Before leaving she waves her colleagues goodbye and walks out of the bullpen towards her car. When driving home she noticed is was raining hard. Perfect, she thought, even the weather is depressed. Arriving at her building she parks her car and got out. Trying to get as fast as possible to her apartment through the pouring rain she runs towards the steps. When she stands in front of them she stopped in her tracks looking at the person that was sitting there, on the steps, totally drenched by all the rain that has been pouring down from the sky.

There was Maura. Her hair flat against her face and soaked by all the rain. "Maura, how long have you been sitting there?" Jane asked with wonder in her voice. "Maybe a hour or so. I don't really know. I just had to talk to you and I knew you would never open the door for me after what happened today at the morgue. So I decided to leave work early and just wait for you." Maura said, her voice sounding small. Jane walked up a few steps so she could sit next to her. "Maura, what are you doing here?" she asked. "I just.. I just need to know if I did something wrong. I can't figure out if maybe I did or said something that could cause all of this. And when I can't understand things I keep thinking and my brain overloads, so to speak." she stops rambling but couldn't keep herself from starting again.

"Jane, I thought things were going good. That we were good. I cant find any reason for us not to be together. Is there someone else?" she asked. "Maura.. I promise you there is nobody else. And things were good. This isn't something you did or said. You shouldn't blame yourself. This is all on me." Jane says with pain in her voice. "Whatever it is, we can fight trough this, Jane. We can start over and talk about it. We had so much good times. Like, do you remember Red Sox opening day, when you threw your hot dog at the guy a few rows in front of us? Or the BPD Christmas party, where everyone wanted us to stand under the mistletoe so we would kiss, only if they knew we were already together." she said with a little smile remembering all the moments.

This broke Jane's heart. She was the cause of all this doubt in the beautiful woman sitting next to her. And her heart was screaming at her to go for it. To be with Maura, but she just couldn't. Her head was keeping her from being happy. "Maura.. I'm sorry.. but I can't be with you. I told you that the last time we spoke. But know that whatever it is, it has nothing to do with you!" When she spoke those words, she saw the pain in the doctors eyes. Tears started to from. Maura stands up and walks down the steps. At the bottom she turns around to face her. "I love you, Jane." she says before she turns back around and walks away.

Those words hit Jane hard and she silently started sobbing. Her eyes filling with tears. She saw her second change walk away. Was she doing the right thing or should she run after her and explain everything? She did not only hurt herself, but Maura to and knowing that made the pain in Jane's heart even worse. Should she have told her the real reason why she ended things between them and would Maura understand? It would be better for Maura to hate her instead of blaming herself for all of this, she thought. I'm letting the love of my life walk away. I lost her forever.

Jane, not being able to handle the pain in her heart goes to the nearest bar. She walks up to the bar, sits downs and orders. "A double Jameson, please." When the bartender put the drink in front of her she takes its and gulps it down in one sip. She felt it burn all the way down her throat. It helped with the pain, but not enough. "Another one, please." She waved at the bartender.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** Here is a new chapter of this story. Thank you so much for all your feedback! I really appreciate it! I like to build the suspense a little bit, but I think you all will be happy with this chapter. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for reading and have fun!

Chapter 4

An hour after she entered the bar Jane was still sitting a the same stool, drinking her whiskey. This was going the be the third one. She was feeling buzzed and her feelings where numb. But the only thing she could think about was Maura. The way she saw her when she sat on the steps in front of her apartment. Totally drenched by the rain that had been pouring over her for over an hour. And the pain in her eyes. She was the cause of that. She broke up with her to avoid her getting hurt, but now Jane was hurting her. She didn't know what was worse. From Hoyt she could protect her. But who protected Maura from the hurt Jane caused.

Jane was her best friend. Her only friend. Their friendship had evolved over the past years. As two women in a mens world you stick together. But in the following years they really got to know each other. She is the only one that truly knows me, Jane thought. She made me do things I wouldn't do for anyone except her. But now she could not protect her anymore. Not even from the pain she caused her.

After a few more drinks she felt a hand on her shoulder. Who was this person thinking he or she was. When she turned around angry, she had to grab the bar for not falling of her stool. Damn, she was drunker than she thought. "Jane" When she heard a deep voice call her name she looked up at the man standing in front of her. It was Korsak. He looked pained seeing her like that. "Korsak., what are you doing here?" she slurred. "Jack" he pointed at the bartender, " He called me. Said you where drunk of your ass and you needed a ride home" he said. "I don't want to go home. I want to stay" Jane said stubbornly while turning back to the bar and drinking from her glass.

When Korsak figured he wasn't getting her out any time soon, he decided to sit on the stool next to her and order a beer. After Jack put the beer in front of him he turned his head to look at Jane. "Jane, what is going on? Did something happened with you and Maura?" he asked slowly, tying not to piss her off. "I broke up with her." Jane said coldly. "What? Why would you do that Janie?" Jane sighs, she can't keep her feelings in anymore. She had to tell someone.

"I had to.." she said. Korsak looked at her confused, but not wanting to interject her he stayed quit. "Hoyt almost killed her, Vince. She almost got killed because of me! Because she was with me. You know how he works! He always goes after the partner of his victims first. In the prison infirmary he went after Maura, because he was trying to hurt me! But I lay there, pinned against the bed and I could not get to her. I could not keep him from touching her. I could not protect her!" she almost shouted at him.

"Jane, you caught him. You protected her. She is still alive and he's locked up." Korsak replied. "I know.. I know.. But what if he escapes or maybe trains someone to go after us again. I can't take that risk, Vince. She is to valuable for me to lose." she returns with pain in her voice. "But didn't you lose her now to?" he asked her softly, not really knowing how she would react to this piece of information. "Yeah, I did. But she is safe now. And alive. He is not going after her now." Korsak took a swig from his beer. "Jane I understand what you did and even why you did it. But you can never grant her safety. A million different things can happen to her. You can't protect her from everything. But isn't it better to protect her by being with her instead of you both being alone and a part?" he asked her. "Being happy with her instead of miserable alone?"

Jane knew he was right. She could not protect Maura 24 hours a day. And now they where both miserable and alone. If she wasn't so stupid she could be with Maura right now. Curled up under a blanket watching some kind of documentary Maura picked out. Instead she was alone, in a bar, drinking. She screwed everything up. She lost the best thing she every had. She loved her so much that not being with her would destroy her. And her biggest fear became the truth. Because now she lost her and it was all her own fault.

"Vince, I messed up" she spoke softly. "I know kid.. I know.." he said, drinking the last of his beer. Standing he put his hand on her shoulder. "Come on Jane. Let me take you home." She nodded and without finishing her drink she tried to stand. She almost fell over but Korsak was there to catch her. He put his arm around her and together they walked out the door.

After helping Jane opening her apartment he helped her in and sat her down on the couch. He walked into the kitchen to grab her a glass of water. After filling up the glass he walked back to the living room and put it on the table. Jane was slouched into the couch. Her eyes filling with tears. "Thank you, Vince." "No problem. Just drink the water and get to bed, okay. Maybe tomorrow everything will be different." he said. When she looked up at him and nodded he felt it was safe for him to leave her alone. "I'll see you tomorrow." he said before walking out of the apartment and closing the door behind him.

When the door of her apartment closed Jane stood up and walked towards her bedroom. Kneeling beside her bed, she reached under it, grabbing an old shoe box. Pulling it from under the bed she blew away all the dust collected on top of it. She sat down on the floor with her back leaning against the bed. Opening the box, she saw all the pictures she saved. Pictures of her and Maura.

She pulled the top one out and saw her and Maura at a BPD Christmas party. They where both in dresses and smiling at each other. When she looked closely she could see the love in both their eyes. Thinking about their friendship, Jane thought back to the first time she encountered Hoyt. She was hurt, physically and mentally, but Maura hold her and kept her safe. She took care of her in her weakest and darkest moment. Whenever Jane had a nightmare, Maura was there to wake her up and hold her until she could sleep again.

She made her feel safe and at home. She made her believe that there was still good in the world and that she was strong. That she could handle everything life threw at her. Jane really struggled after the first attack. Her pride was damaged and she felt shame for letting him get to her. For getting hurt. But Maura put her feet back on the ground. She told her that there was no shame in getting hurt. She thought she was strong and brave. Then Jane realized that Maura was stronger than she ever thought. She was the one that put her back together. Maura put up with all the crap she pulled at her back than. But whatever Jane did, said or even screamed at Maura, she kept helping her and standing right by her side.

When she pulled an other picture from the box in her lap, her eyes started to well up with tears. It was a picture of them hugging really tightly. When she first saw the picture she wondered when it was taken. It was the first picture of them after they finally had the courage to face what everyone already knew about them. The love they had for each other.

Jane felt the regret in her stomach. How stupid could she have been. When she finally has the one and only good thing in her life, she runs away. She thought about Maura and how she would love to kiss her just one more time. How she would hold her face between her hands and look into those beautiful hazel eyes that told her everything she needed to know. But instead, she is staring at the mess she made.

Jane knew it was her. It's her and it will always be. She should have spoken up. Talked to Maura about everything. But she was to stubborn and afraid to do anything about it. It's on me now, to fix the mess I made. Jane tried to stand up. She walked towards her living room to find her keys and phone. She had to do something. She had to try. Try to fix everything and be with the love of her life. She had to see if she could Maura back.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** Here is the fifth chapter of this story. The next one will take me a bit longer to write, because I have no clear idea of where this story will go next. If you want me to continue and have any ideas, please let me know. Thanks for all your feedback and I hope you'll have fun reading this chapter.

Chapter 5

Jane ran out of her apartment and flew down the stairs. Suddenly feeling a lot soberer. When she was standing in front of her building she hailed a cab and gave Maura's address. It was getting pretty late, but she had to do this now before she would lose her courage. When the cab turned into the street where Maura lived, Jane's nerves got the best of her. Would she take me back? I would beg if I needed to. I need her. Paying the cab she closed the car door behind her. There she stood. Right in front of Maura's house on the sidewalk. Taking a deep breath she moved towards the door. She lifted her hand and knocked. A few minutes passed, but there was no sound coming from the house before her.

She knocked again. A little louder this time. "Maura!" She called out. "Maura, please open the door!" When the minutes passed by, Jane lost all the hope she had. She turned around and slowly started walking away. When she was a few steps away from the door it swung open and she heard a voice call for her "Jane?" She turned around and there was Maura. In her silk robe, waiting for her. "What are you doing her? It's 2 am!" Maura asked.

Jane took the few steps she needed to stand in front of her. "Maura.. I've been so stupid. Please, let me explain." Jane said. Maura looked into her eyes. She did not want to talk to her. She's been hurt enough, she thought. After a few minutes of contemplating her options she could not resist the look Jane gave her. She stepped aside and waved her hand for Jane to come in.

When Jane had finally entered the house, she saw Maura turning on the lights in the living room. She followed her and just stood there. "What do you want, Jane?" Maura asked coldly. Not ready to open up and have hope for whatever is was Jane was doing there.

"Maura, I'm so sorry. I can't express how sorry I am. For hurting you, pushing you away, for everything. I've been so stupid and afraid. You were right, you know?" Maura quirked an eyebrow "I was right about what, Jane?" she asked. "About me. About the fact that I still love you. I never stopped loving you Maura.. I was afraid that Hoyt would get out or just send someone else to try and kill you. I wanted to protect you. But by leaving you I only brought you in more danger. Because I wasn't there to save you anymore." Jane answered.

"I don't need protection, Jane." Maura spouted back. "I know. I know that now. I've really been thinking about everything that happened. The first time Hoyt came after me, you where the one that protected me. You where the one that saved me, Maura. Without you I would not be standing here right now. And I just didn't see it. You are so much stronger than I thought. Maybe even stronger than me." Jane explained.

"You really hurt me Jane. How do I know that when something different happens you don't run away again?" Maura asked. "Maura, I am really sorry for hurting you. And I understand that my words mean nothing to you. But I promise you, I will never run again." Jane said, taking a few steps closer to the doctor reaching for her hands, holding them tight. "Maura, I'm begging you, please, give me an other change. I love you. More than I ever will for anyone in my life. And I will prove it to you, every day for the rest of my life." Jane spoke softly.

Maura looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined. Jane thought Maura was thinking of a way to let her down easy so she just spat it all out. Everything she was feeling, thinking and dreaming. "Maura, you are the first person I think about when I wake up. How I can't wait to see your beautiful hazel eyes. Or that smile you save a specially for me. How I can't wait to talk to you about your day or listen to your scientific ramble. When you do that you get a glint in your eyes that makes them even more beautiful than they already are. And even if it looks like I'm not listening. I listen to every word you say. Every time I see you, I just have to resist all my urges to not hold your face between my hands and look at your amazing lips. Waiting for them to kiss me and feel that soft touch against mine and feel all the love we share." With these words Maura looked up and into Jane's eyes.

"Maura, I can't think of anyone that is more beautiful than you, inside and out. When I see you with me I think about what I must have done to deserve you in my life. And that I would do everything to keep you. To let you kn0w I'm good enough for you. That I can make you happy. Even if it will take everything I have. Everything I did was because I was so afraid to lose you. The one good thing in my life. You mean so much to me that I was willing to sacrifice my love for you just to keep you safe." Jane needed to breath so she stopped rambling. Looking into Maura's eyes gave her hope that everything would turn out fine. Jane reached her hand out to cup Maura's cheek. And when she did she felt Maura turn her cheek towards her hand. This put a smile to her face. "Maura.." Jane whispered.

"Jane, I love you. I believe you did all of this out of the love you have for me. But know that I can protect myself and if you pull something like this again, you won't be so lucky." Maura said. This was all Jane needed to hear. She took one last step, so they where flush against each other. Jane looked down to her lips and leaned in. Waiting if it was okay. All Maura did was close the rest of the space between them en put her lips against Jane's. There they stood, in the middle of Maura's living room kissing.

When Maura's lips touched hers, Jane felt alive. The butterflies in her stomach came back to life and swirled around in her stomach. She never felt like this before, but one thing was for sure. She could never live without this, without her. When she needed more contact she sucked slightly on Maura's lower lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss. Maura granted her the access and Jane immediately deepened it. Wrapping Maura in her arms she kissed her with all the passion she had. Pushing Maura slightly back in the direction of the couch.

When they stood in front of the couch Jane broke the kiss. Maura whimpered at the loss of contact. But Jane had other plans. She slowly pushed Maura on to her back and lay on top of her, resting all her weight op her elbows which where on either sides of Maura. Looking in to her eyes she got overwhelmed with all the emotions that where swirling trough her body. "I love you, Maura Isles. With everything I have." Before Maura had a change to say something Jane kissed her again.

After making out on the couch for over an hour both women needed air. They broke the kiss and put their heads against one another. "Maybe we need to stop and take things slow" Jane said. "Jane, all I want to do right now is take you to my bed and make love to you. Claim every inch of you as mine." Maura said with a sultry voice. This almost made Jane's eyes pop out of her head. She looked wide eyed at Maura, who had a big smile on her face by the reaction she got from Jane.

Maura gave Jane a small kiss to her lips while she tried to push her slowly back so they both could sit up. When they finally sat next to each other on the couch, Maura stood up and reached for Jane's hands. "Jane, would you like to come with me? Or would you rather sit here, alone on the couch." she said with so much lust in her eyes and voice. Jane took Maura's hand and let herself been pulled of the couch. She walked behind Maura in the direction of her bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry for the wait, but I had a really hard time writing an ending to this story. There will be one more chapter after this one. I hope you will like it and please let me know what you think!**

Chapter 6

Waking up the next morning by the sunlight shining on her face, Jane felt some weight lying on the side of her body. Opening her eyes, she looked to her side to see a naked Maura using her chest as a pillow. It put a smile on her face to see the woman she loved, so peaceful sleeping in her arms. Thinking back to the last couple of days, she knew she had never felt so alone and broken. And the hurt she had caused Maura made her feel even guiltier about everything she did and said.

Lying there in bed, she knew that she was going to love her for the rest of her life. Feeling happy that Maura gave her a second chance and resolute to prove to her that she was never running again, Jane thought about her future. Imagining how it would be like to spend every waking moment with the woman she loved. Creating a future, a family, together. This thought made her heart beat faster and there was only one thing going through her mind, she was going to ask Maura to marry her.

Wanting it to be perfect, she had to think about a plan. It had to be perfect because that was what Maura deserved. Would she reserve a table at a restaurant and put the ring in a glass of champagne? No, that was too easy and boring. She had to go look for a ring that was as beautiful as Maura. Suddenly her mind was filled with everything she had to arrange when she felt Maura stir next to her. She looked over into her hazel eyes and her heart stopped beating. Her hair tousled, eyes filled with sleep and that beautiful smile that made Jane feel butterflies in her stomach every time she saw it.

"Morning." Jane said when she smiled back.

"Good morning." Maura replied looking up into brown eyes. "Is this a dream? Because if it is, I don't want it to end."

"This isn't a dream, Maur. It's real and it will never end. I will always be here."

This made Maura smile even wider and she leaned in to kiss Jane passionately. "I would really like that. I love you Jane."

"I love you too. Would you like some breakfast? I was planning on making some famous Rizzoli pancakes."

"I would love some pancakes." Maura said before kissing Jane once more before turning around and getting out of bed. Walking towards her closet she grabbed her robe and turned around, looking at Jane still lying in bed. "Are you coming?" she said winking at the woman in bed and walking out of the bedroom.

Jane jumped out of bed, following Maura to the kitchen. When she entered, she saw Maura making some coffee with her complicated machine. She walked behind her, kissed her cheek and made her way towards the fridge to grab all the items she needed. Starting to make the batter for the pancakes, she looked to her side. Enjoying every moment of this morning she felt so happy. She thought about asking Maura right there and then, but she didn't even had a ring yet. Her heart started beating faster by the idea of spending every waking moment with this woman., so she had to move fast and look for a ring.

After the pancakes where ready and they finished eating, Jane took both their plates and set them in the dishwasher. "Maur, I'm going to shower and head home."

"Why? I thought we could watch a movie." Maura said with a pout on her face.

"Well I would love that, but I need to walk Jo, she has been alone too long." she said looking down at her feet, hoping Maura could not see that see was lying. Of course she needed to walk Jo, but she also had to think of a plan to ask Maura and find a ring. She took a few steps to stand in front of Maura, before she put her hands on her cheeks, kissing her lips. "Maur, I will come over tonight so we can watch a movie. How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect Jane." Maura said with a small smile.

Jane kissed her again, before heading towards the bathroom to shower and change. Walking down into the living room she saw Maura cleaning up the kitchen. "I'm going to head out now." Jane said, kissing Maura on the cheek and heading towards the door.

When Jane opened the door of her apartment Jo came running towards her. She knelt down and scratched the little dog behind her ears. "Are you ready for a nice walk, Jo?" she asked the dog, who barked in acceptance. Standing and grabbing the leash of the hook, she connected it to Jo's collar and opened the door, closing it behind them.

They walked to the park near the apartment, where Jane sat on a bench. Jo look up at her, tilting her head to the side. "Yeah, I know Jo. I really need to think of something. I need a ring, a plan and a location to ask her. Would you like Maura to be you mommy too?" Jane smiled when Jo barked. "I need to do something special. Something she wouldn't expect and romantic, but first I need to find a ring."

After their walk in the park, Jane dropped Jo of at home and walked to the nearest jewelry store. The bell jingled when she opened the door, walking towards the displays she took a peek inside. Overwhelmed with all the choices she had no idea what to get Maura. An employee saw her looking and walked towards her to see if he could help her. "Hello, can I help you?"

"Wel I'm looking for a ring, an engagement ring to be exact." she said, feeling a light blush creeping of her cheeks.

"We have all kind of engagement rings in our assortment. Is there something specific you have in mind?" the clerk asked her.

"Well I don't know. Maybe a silver one, with one big diamond in the middle."

"We have a couple of them" he said, pulling out a tray with rings and putting them on the counter in front of Jane. "Is there one you like?"

Jane looked at the tray with rings, letting her eyes roam over all of them, until she saw one that caught her eye. "That one, can I see it?" The clerk took the ring out of the tray and handed it to her. It was a beautiful silver ring with a clear diamond in the middle and multiple ones to each sides next to it. The stones in the sides had a green glow, what made Jane think about Maura's eyes. They sometimes got a green glow in special lighting or when she smiled that really big smile she only showed her.

"You have great taste. This is a Contour ring in white gold with a set round four karat diamond. On the sides there are eight smaller diamonds with an Edwardian cut, which maximizes the brilliance of the small stones."

"It's perfect." was all Jane was able to say. This was the ring she was looking for and she felt lucky to find it so fast. She looked at the price tag, her eyes opening wide. It was going to cost her more than a months salary, but Maura was worth it. "I'll take it."

The clerk took the ring from Jane and walked to the back of the store to clean it up and put it in a box. Walking back towards Jane, he put the box on the counter. Jane paid for it and put the ring in the pocket of her jacket.

Opening the door to her apartment once again she walked towards her fridge to grab herself a beer. Sitting on her couch she thought about what to do next. She had the ring, but now she had to think of a plan to ask Maura. Thinking about everything Maura liked, nothing was perfect. Nothing was good enough.

Then Jane thought about the place where she was going to take her. They could go to one of Maura's fancy restaurants, but she knew she wouldn't feel comfortable there. And one thing was for sure, she needed to feel comfortable if she was going to ask her. Then an idea came to her mind and she knew where to go, it would be perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Here is the last chapter of this story. I hope you will like it and please tell me what you think!**

Chapter 7

When Jane looked at the clock she saw that it was almost 4 pm, so she called the restaurant to see when they had a table available. When she told the person on the phone what she was planning, he was very happy to help her, but they only had a table available that evening. Starting to panic, she thought this was going too fast and she didn't even had the rest of the evening planned, but why wait. She knew who and what she wanted, so she accepted the reservation, talking to the person of the restaurant a little longer to set everything in place.

When she finished the phone call she sent Maura a quick text message.

 _Hey Maur! Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?_

 _I would love to Jane! Where do you want to go?_

 _Great! That's a surprise!_

 _Jane, how do I know what to wear? Can you give me a hint?_

 _That will spoil the surprise, but you always look beautiful Maur. Just wear a nice dress and everything will be fine! I'll pick you up at 7!_

Jane put her phone down on the coffee table before standing up, tiding her apartment and walking towards her bedroom. She had to look for something to wear tonight. Thinking about wearing a dress, she looked into her closet, changing her mind. She took her best suite out and hang in on the door. Walking towards the bathroom she started the shower, undressed and stepped under the running water, washing her hair and shaving her legs. Tonight had to be perfect so she felt like she had to put a little bit of extra effort in everything she did.

After her shower, she walked into her bedroom with a towel wrapped around her. Opening a drawer, she took the one set of lingerie she owned. Letting the towel fall to the ground, she put the underwear on. Turning towards the door where her suit was hanging, she took it from the hook and started to get dressed. It was a black fitted suite and she chose a red button up shirt to wear underneath. When she was finished getting ready it was almost 6 pm. Grabbing her keys from the table she opened her door to leave.

Driving towards Maura's house she stopped at a flower shop to get a nice bouquet. Paying for the flowers, she got back into her car and drove towards her date. After parking the car in Maura's driveway, she felt herself getting nervous. Her hands began sweating, her heartbeat increased and she felt her stomach clench. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself, before grabbing the flowers from the seat next to her, getting out of her car and making her way towards the house.

Standing in front of the door she put her hand in the pocket of her jacket, feeling the ring box. Taking one last deep breath she raised her hand and knocked on the door. When it swung open, Jane's eyes opened wide, her mouth hanging open. "Wow!" Jane exclaimed, slowly closing her mouth and taking in the beauty that stood before her. Maura was wearing a tight fitting red dress which accentuated all the curves of her body. Jane looked at her from head to toe before making eye contact with Maura, who had a smile on her face because of the reaction she got from Jane. "You look really stunning!" Jane said.

"You don't look so bad yourself, detective." Maura said in a seductive tone.

"Thank you!" Jane said with a slight blush creeping up her neck. She remembered the flowers, holding them out in front of her. "Here, I got you flowers."

"Thank you Jane." Maura said with a smile on her face, when she accepted the flowers. "They are beautiful." She walked inside the house, followed by Jane, towards her kitchen. Talking a vase from a cupboard, she filled it up with water and put the flowers in it. "I thought this was just dinner, but it feels more like a date."

"Yes, this is a date. I thought it would be nice after everything we went through the last couple of days. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me." she said looking down to her feet. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, of course. Are you going to tell me where we are going?"

"No because it will spoil the surprise!" Jane said with a smirk on her face. She knew not knowing where they went would drive Maura crazy.

Walking towards her car, Jane opened the passenger door to let Maura in before walking around and getting into the car herself. She drove them to a little Italian restaurant outside the city. Parking the car she stepped out and almost ran towards the passenger side to open the door to let Maura out. She offered her arm for her to take, walking towards the entrance. She opened the door, when Maura walked past her into the restaurant.

A waiter made her way towards them, when she called for Jane. "Jane! How good to see you! It's been a long time since you've been here. How are you?"

"Hey Tracy! I've been good!"

"Marcus told me you had called, let me take you to your table." Tracy said before making her way though the restaurant. Jane followed close behind Tracy and Maura to the back of the restaurant where they stood in front of a door. Opening it, Tracy stepped aside to let Maura and Jane enter. When Maura walked through the door, Jane turned towards Tracy to thank her before following Maura to the little patio.

Walking into the little patio garden, Maura turned around to look at Jane. They were standing in a little garden behind the restaurant that was normally used as a terrace. It was lit with all kinds of candles and lightbulbs, which gave the patio a nice glow. In the middle stood a single table with two chairs. Maura was stunned by the surprise Jane had arranged for her. "Jane, this is beautiful."

"Do you like it?" Jane said taking a step closer to her, putting her hands on her hips. "I hoped you did, but I thought that maybe it was too much."

"No Jane, it's perfect." Maura said, a smile playing at her lips.

Walking towards the table, Jane pulled a chair out for Maura to sit. When she sat down, Jane joined her on the other side of the table. When they both sat down, Tracy entered the garden and put a bottle of wine on the table, pouring it in the glasses she was carrying. When Tracy left, Jane put her hands on Maura's in the middle of the table, smiling at each other. "Do you come here a lot?" Maura asked her.

"Not that much. It's a long story. Marcus had some legal problems and I helped him out. He said that if I've ever needed something I just had to ask." Jane replied.

After dinner, wine and small talk, Tracy put the dessert on the table, disappearing back to the restaurant, letting both women enjoy their evening.

This was the moment Jane planned to make her move, but she was too nervous to even talk or breath. Trying to steady her breathing, she took Maura's hands in hers. "Maura, there is a reason why I planned this evening together."

"What is it Jane?" Maura asked shocked with wide eyes, thinking that Jane might have changed her mind.

Jane saw the look on her face and knew that she was taking it the wrong way. "No! No! Not like that! Everything that happened the last few days made me think. I have made a stupid mistake by breaking up with you and I'm so happy that you gave me a second chance. I wanted to prove to you that I meant what I said. That I wasn't going to run anymore. Not now, not ever!" Jane said taking a deep breath. She moved her chair so she was sitting next to her. "Maur, you are the most beautiful and stunning woman I've ever met. You are funny, smart and caring. Before I met you, my life was all about work and trying to survive, but you made my life complete. You were there in my darkest moments, helping me stay on my feet and get through all the bad times. You put the ground back under my feet, you kept me from drowning in all the pain and nightmares. You made me feel home when I thought I was all alone. You are the love of my life and being apart made me realize that I never want to be without you. I want to grow old with you, start a family, be together. So.." putting her hand in the pocket of her jacket to get the ring she bought, she pulled it out, knelt on one knee and opened the box for Maura to see. "Maura Dorthea Isles, would you do me the honer of loving you, growing old with you and spending the rest of our lives together? Would you marry me?" Jane asked, her heart beating against the inside of her chest, looking into Maura's eyes to see if she could somehow see what the doctor was thinking.

Maura put a hand to her mouth, her eyes opening wide, when she saw the ring Jane was holding. Everything Jane said made her eyes fill with tears. "Yes! Yes Jane! I would love to marry you!" Maura said before trowing herself at Jane and kissing her passionately, putting her arms around her neck. After a while, Jane breaks the kiss and put a little distance between them. She took Maura's hand, the ring from the box and put it on her finger, before kissing her again. Looking into each other's eyes they both had a big smile on their faces. "Jane, I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. You made my life better in every single way. I would love to spend the rest of my life with you!"


End file.
